Congratulations! You are a Seahawks lockout reporter!

June 25th, 2011 | Written by Rob Staton

Let me be the first to shake your hand and welcome to our world. All it took was the ability to remember stuff and incorporate your brain in order to function it all together. With such a startling combination, we cannot be stopped.

Together we can live safe in the knowledge that Pete Carroll will be signing Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush and every other USC Trojan set to become available when the lockout ends some time between the 27th June and the apocalypse.

Clearly with the Seahawks bringing in Tom Cable, he’s going to want to re-sign his entire offensive line from Oakland. Step forward… Robert Gallery and Samson Satele.

Did you know that Darrell Bevell was once asked to coach Tavaris Jackson? Of course you did! You’re a Seahawks lockout reporter now! He will be the team’s point guard next season (or is it designated hitter?).

John Schneider was once part of another front office. That front office signed football players. It surely makes sense that John will want to re-sign all of those players again now that the Packers are champions of the universe, so we can officially guarantee every Green Bay free agent will be moving to the Pacific North West.

And with so many new players arriving in Seattle, they’ll have no trouble achieving the minimum spending limit in the new salary cap. Cigars out.

Let us go forth and tweet what we have learnt, for we are the Seahawks lockout reporters.

5 Responses to “Congratulations! You are a Seahawks lockout reporter!”

  1. Rugby Lock says:


    Sacrcasm!! Gotta Love it!!!

  2. Rugby Lock says:

    Errr… Sarcasm

  3. D says:

    [tweet] Paul Allens’ au Pair had to mace Big Ben Rothlessburger with a full can of mace so that he would stop humping her leg. I would assume that this connection means that the Steelers will try crying this season as they face the Seahawks in the Super Bowl [/tweet]

  4. kevin mullen says:

    Well put…

  5. Dude says:

    I am hearing reports that Seattle is bringing Payton Manning, the Franchised QB. They have no trouble giving up two future 32nd overall draft picks for the QB. Pete Carroll, when asked about the newest Seahawk, said “This should really help the running game”.